June 18, 2014 “Quality means doing it right when nobody is looking.” -Henry Ford

Values                                                                            Done

Truth                         Passion

Loyalty                      Vision

Integrity                    Caring

Compassion             Empathy

Strength


Goals – Focus

Intellectual – read 10 minutes per day

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15, Safety Rally

Spiritual – Meditate 10 minutes per day

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Financial – make a plan and follow it

Social – contact one friend per day

Family – ask the deeper questions


 

Yesterday was overall a very good day. I had some minor annoyance emotions that came up when I hit myself on the head a couple of times while standing up, but I don’t think I truly did anything that didnt’ align with my values. I even got everything on my list done!

So why do I feel like I do right now? I wonder if it is a self-defeat mechanism. This seems to happen a lot. It seems like when I have the time to get into the groove of my routines, my subconscious is like “I’m bored. I don’t want to do these routines anymore. The place looks great so we don’t have to do any more cleaning or routines for a while.” This feeling happens almost every single time I get to this place. I think this is where I really need to push through the “boredom” or “tiredness” because house cleaning is never done. Laundry is never done. Dishes are never done. If I don’t keep up with all of the home blessings (borrowed from FlyLady) and routines, things will start to fall apart. I love have a clean, but lived in, home. I feel so much better when it is in this state. Self sabotage. That’s the correct word. I think the feeling is more along the lines of “What’s the point of doing all of this EVERY SINGLE  DAY? I’d rather let it all build up and do marathon cleaning.” But if I did that, I would wear myself out, and the house would only be clean for one day instead of hugging me everyday like it does now.

Maybe I don’t feel like I’m worth it. I read an article on self efficacy on Marks Daily Apple. The gist of the article is that if you elieve you can change, you will. If you don’t believe you can change, you won’t. I think that if you don’t think you’re worth the change, the same thing happens – you don’t change.

I am worth it though. I am worth these baby steps. There is so much that I want to do and accomplish. There is so much that I want to become. I can do it. I will do it. And I am worth working on myself. If I don’t work on myself, fill up my own cup so to say, I cannot help other people effectively or in the way they need. I will become a priestess. I will become a holistic practitioner. I will help my community. But for now, I will continue to work on myself so that I can eventually get to my goals. 

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