June 19, 2014

Values                                                                            Done

Integrity                        Compassion                               Pick at face

Truth                            Vision                                         Scream in frustration

Caring                          Loyalty

Passion                        Empathy


Goals – Focus

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15, Safety Rally

Financial – Make a plan and follow it

Family – ask the deeper questions

Intellectual – read ten minutes per day, one book per month

Social – contact one friend per day

Spiritual – Meditate ten minutes per day

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Yesterday had a a lot of strong emotions. Specifically anger. I was trying to upload a new business card design to a popular site to order business cards for myself, but it kept saying the dpi and pixel ratios were wrong. After trying to save the file many different ways from InDesign, I tried Illustrator so I could just load the Illustrator file. Nope. So I finally had to design it in f-ing Photoshop. I despise designing in PS because everything is pixels. That means if you don’t do the text in the right size, it’s pixelated. That’s why I use InDesign or Illustrator. Vectors are my friends. Vectors make it so that  no matter how big it gets, the text will not pixelate.

Anyways, while I was waiting for these files to load multiple different times, I decided to buy something I’ve been meaning to buy. A popular auction site would let me browse just fine, but would not let me sign on. At first I thought it was because I was using my old personal laptop (6 years this summer), so I switched computers. Nope. At this point I screamed at the top of my lungs, which scared my cat Noodle. She doesn’t like high pitched noises that are loud (even when I am singing, and I’m not bad, just out of practice and need to make sure I warm up well). I really really really wanted to beat on the computer, like I have done in the past. It took all that I had to not do that. Hell, I’ve even thrown my laptop around. It was in a protective carrying case, but I have done it several times.

I was definitely aware of my emotions at this point, so I took a few breaths to calm down. It was enough to finish both tasks, even though I was still frustrated.

Earlier I had started picking at my face. I realized I was stressing over the task I was working on, so I took a break, then came back to it. See, this is why I have to give myself a time limit when working on projects, otherwise I get bored, stressed, or frustrated. Plus, my mind goes a million miles a minute with all of the things I want to/have to do so it makes sense for me to jump from task to task. DH on the other hand, can sit and focus on one thing for hours. Sometimes I can do that, like when I’m knitting, or if I get into the zone while painting. I think that’s why he is such a prolific artist. Most of the prints we have are of his work. But he is also not afraid. For me, it’s the fear of the artwork not being good. That fear of failing again. Well damn, it’s come back to that again, has it? I haven’t even tried my watercolor pencils yet. 😦 I just need to get over it. I think I need to make a new goal. During the off seasons I need to participate in DH’s daily sketch and produce on piece of artwork a week. I have the damn room now. I’m doing it. I’m getting mad at the fear and I’m kicking it out!

…Later that day

 Holy crap! I can’t believe this is starting to come together! The Safety Preparedness event might actually happen! I’m in the Library now, but I’m squealing inside. If I were at home I’d be dancing around and singing/squealing all over the place. This is just SOOOOO awesome. One of my plans finally coming to fruition. I can’t wait to talk to someone about it, it’s just so exciting! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Yes, that’s right – FIVE exclamation marks.

Am I bi-polar or something? Yesterday I was so angry and now I’m elated. Nah, I’m just becoming so awesome from all the hard work I’ve been putting in. Life is life and emotions are part of it. I’m shaking with excitement. How many times have I said “excitement” or “excited”? Not as many as I thought. I guess I’ve just been thinking it.

See, this is my problem, I get so hyper when I’m stoked about something that I talk too fast or am bouncing off the walls too much to do anything. Frustration, sadness and other “down” emotions I seem to be able to muddle through. I guess I’ve never thought about managing the supposed good emotions too. I  better try that now. I will let you know how it goes.




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