Tag Archives: communication

How to talk to men

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Talking to men can be frustrating. Talking to anyone can be frustrating, especially if you overthink it. But I have discovered, and have had this confirmed by other guys, that women have to tell guys what they want.

This means that they can’t read your mind. Subtle hints at what you want won’t work either. Tell them, straight up. They don’t like games. Okay, well I guess video games can be excluded, but they tend not to like mind games.

So if he’s doing something that annoys you, giving him the cold shoulder until he stops it is not going to work. Tell him when you’re not annoyed what is bugging you.

Also, don’t tell him about your problems if you don’t want it fixed. There are times when you can, just preface it with “Please just let me vent, I don’t need this fixed”. Or you could just talk to your girlfriends. If you have a problem that you want help solving, guys are really good for this. If you want a little bit more in depth on the difference between men and women and how they communicate check out this article

The thing is, for a lasting relationship, communication has to be worked on. Fairy tails don’t exist forever. When I first met my husband, it was like a fairy tail. We have had some rough spots, but we have continually worked on our communication and relationship. We are partners and have found that if we do things/projects together, it gets done faster and better. It has made our relationship stronger and I love him more than I can say. So work on learning how to communicate with your significant other.

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June 3, 2014 “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” -Lao Tzu

Values                                                                                               Done

Compassion                                                                                      Pick at my face

Vision                                                                                                Yell at DH during misunderstanding

Caring                                                                                               Waking up late

Empathy

Strength

Integrity

Truth

Passion


Goals – Focus

Career – book five churches by 8/15, safety rally

Financial – make a plan and follow it

Physical – 10,000 steps/day

Family – ask the deeper questions

Spiritual – meditate 10 minutes per day

Social – contact 1 friend per day

Intellectual – read one book per month (this month Social Intelligce 2.0)


 

This morning I was able to make some headway about communication with DH. We talked about how each of us understands and receives information. He sees the whole picture and can immediately see where the problem is. I have to get there in a linear way, so it takes me a little longer and sometimes more information, in order to get to where he is. When answering questions, I need to check in (which I really need to do with everyone in general).

I had a very good chat with my boss about a couple of my coworkers and was able to get some understanding and good feedback on how they work and how to communicate with them.

With one, I need to give them time to think about things when I present things to them because they think they need to have the answer now. I hope they can learn to say “Let me think about it.” They person who hired me learned that and was very good about it. (I.e. I wanted to wear my vibram five fingers to work. They said to let them think about it and countered that I could if I got a black pair)

With the other, and honestly everyone else who is part of my company, I need to have a relationship with. We are a team and need to support each other to make this vision come true. So, we talked about how this person probably sees me. They might not see me as a threat like they do with someone else who is on the team, but I am still competition, and I am learning quickly. They have to deal with so many more people in the sales department where before they were the only one. Not only do they not get all of the recognition, they have to compete for time with the boss. Basically I need to figure out to be a team member and support for them in what they would perceive as a non-threatening way.

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Communication in Relationships

If any relationship, particularly marriages and partnerships, is going to thrive, there must be communication. It is KEY. Communication is not one-sided – if one person is talking, the other should be listening. You both have to talk, you both have to listen.

The big part of communication with your significant other is to ask them questions. How do you feel about this? My husband is not going to be able to be present when I’m looking for a place to rent, but he needs to be part of the decision because we both will be living there. So I asked him what were some things he wanted in the house. I know what I want, but now I can include what he wants too. We’ve also discussed what is an absolute must and what we can live without. While I’m looking at these places, I will be taking pictures of them so I can show them to him online and we can pick a place together.

Decision making is a big part of any relationship. You have to make decisions together. Figure out what you want to come out of the decision then ask what the other wants. Be sure that you both know what the other wants.

Money is the number one reason why 52% of marriages end in divorce. Budgets or spending plans need to be gone over together. One person may be more financially inclined, but both people need to be involved so that they both know where the money is going. My husband lets me do the budget because I am that person. I’ve devised a plan that works pretty well for us and I try to show it to him every once in a while so he has an idea of where our money goes, but he’s not all that involved. I want him to be more involved. He trusts me completely with our money (trust is a big part of communication), which I am grateful for, but this is a team effort. I really want to crack down on our spending so we can start seriously paying off our student loans and I can’t do that without him. However, our debts overwhelm him when he looks at them. He clams up whenever I try to discuss money with him. To help with this, I asked him what would help him not get so stressed over money when we talk about it. He told me that we should discuss money/our budget on a low stress day after dinner. That is something that is very doable. And now he understands that I really want to do this together because doing the budget by myself can overwhelm me sometimes. So he’s going to try not to clam up during our meetings.

The whole communication thing is all about finding out what works for you as a couple. I recommend taking a compassionate listening class because it gives you some really great tools to help you communicated not only with your spouse, but people in general. It has helped me. In the past few months, the communication between Jason and I has exploded. It is allowing us to grow together as a couple. That is what marriage is about, being partnered with someone who will help you grow and vice versa. The way to accomplish that is through communication.

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