Tag Archives: stress

It’s going to be okay…just start.

I don’t know about you guys, but I tend to be a perfectionist. What I mean by that is that if I don’t have time to do something perfectly, I will not start it. Then things get piled up and I get overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed because I don’t know where to start, what if people are upset with me?

Something that I have been working on is to just get started. Then I set a timer and I can be done when the timer goes off. The problem is finding/scheduling the time to finish it if it’s a project.

It’s also difficult for me personally because I don’t have a job where I have a set schedule. I thrive when I have a schedule and routines. Later this year that will change, but for now I’m doing the best I can. I just need to start. And start again. And just do.

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June 22, 2014

Values                                                                                                             Done

Integrity                                Compassion                                         Not planned the day

Loyalty                                   Vision                                                     Not fed dogs 2nd meal

Caring                                       Strength                                               Pick at face

Empathy                                  Truth

Passion


Goals – Focus

Financial – make a plan and follow it

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Spiritual – Meditate 10 minutes per day

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15 Safety Preparedness event

Family – ask the deeper questions

Social – contact one friend per day

Intellectual – read ten minutes per day, one book per month


So I gave myself the day to recover. I still kind of feel like I spent most of the day in bed and now as it’s time to sleep, I start journaling.

As I was planning tomorrow, I got that stressed feeling again. Thinking about all of the things I need to do stresses me out, but if I don’t write it down tonight, I know I will forget something tomorrow. That’s why I can’t wait until I start my new control journal. It will be set up the way my work one was. I will only put the to dos on one side and as things come up to do, I shall write them on the opposite side to worry about the next day. I like that system better than what I am doing now with writing it down on tomorrow’s page automatically. It seems a waste of space, but I think having it on the other page helps because I don’t have to flip the page to write it down. It’s also useful for note taking.

I think the lizard brain is starting to take hold, regarding the safety preparedness event. That means what I am doing is what I should be doing. But it’s stressing me out. I’ve been holding my breath. Lack of oxygen helps to fuel the lizard brain. Dehydration probably isn’t helping either,

I’m also stressed about the rituals for the next two days. I’ve been afraid to make mistakes because there are consequences to those mistakes. I don’t like making mistakes when doing magic or rituals because the consequences could be dire. Learning by mistakes in this tradition is not something I want to do. However, the fear of making a mistake has made me not confident in my abilities, which has held me back in my growth as a priestess. I’m a goodie-two-shoes and don’t like being punished. But as long as I accept the consequences of anything I do, I should be fine.

When I first began my journey, I learned quickly. Now it seems like a snails pace. I don’t like feeling stupid, so I don’t like asking questions. But at the same time, I don’t want to make a mistake. So I will have to suck it up and ask questions, be willing to make mistakes, and be willing to take on the consequences. Otherwise I will not advance much further.

There is so much I want to do, but feel there is not time to complete it on time. But I DO have the time. I just need to practice patience and persevere. Baby steps. A little bit here, a little bit there and it will get done. I think I finally understand “Do without doing and everything will get done”. It doesn’t feel like I am doing anything when I’m doing the projects in small chunks, but they are getting done.

I was holding my breath again. I need to stop doing that. I AM making progress, I’m working through my fear. “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Frank Herbert “Dune”

 

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June 16, 2014 “It is never too late to be what you might have been” George Eliot

Values                                                                            Done

Integrity                     Truth                                             Drink wine

Compassion              Passion                                         Eat tons of rice candies

Strength                    Vision

Caring                       Empathy


Goals – Focus

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15, Safety Rally

Financial – make a plan and follow it

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Social – contact one friend per day

Intellectual – read 10 minutes per day, one book per month

Family – ask the deeper questions

Spiritual – Meditate ten minutes per day.


Yesterday I was very kind to myself. I gave myself a short “to-do” list and got it all done. I knew I was probably going to come home late so I got all of the dishes done before leaving and had a minimal ed time routine. That helped tremendously. I slept in late, but instead of finding it out of line with my values, I showed myself compassion by sleeping in late. I didn’t get into bed until 11 or so and this week has been tough on sleep. Since I don’t have anywhere pressing to be, I need to take care of myself by waking up when my body is ready. Tonight will be easier as far as getting to bed on time.

As far as emotions, there was nothing that really stood out yesterday. I may have been picking up on the emotions going on around me and that is why I had the wine and rice candies. Perhaps I was stressed because I made no comment on the situation as I do not want to take sides. I am most definitely a stress eater, especially of the sweets. I am pretty sure it is because of the endorphins that sugar releases. I did not even have a full glass of wine, but I could feel some effects this morning. I think I need to take some liver support hers because of all the sugar I have had lately. The liver processes sugar and alcohol in the same way. I have a feeling that reason I don’t handle either well is because of either an under-performing liver or liver damage. I wonder why alcoholism runs in families? I ask that because several of my great-grandparents were alcoholics, as well as one of my uncles. That’s part of the reason why I steer away from alcohol. I wonder if it has to do with the liver, a chemical composition in the brain, something else, or a combination of those. I will have to do some research.

So I’m sitting here, continuing to fill out my “To Do” Journal and I am starting to stress out. I keep thinking, “Oh I need to do this on that day” as I fill it out. My mind is stressing out because it thinks that it needs to be done today. But that is the whole reason I have this book, so that I don’t have to remember; I can just write it down and put my mental awareness elsewhere. The saying “Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.” comes to mind. It’s better to focus on today. Then, when the day is through, do a mind dump on what to do tomorrow.

 

 

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June 14, 2014 “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” -Benjamin Franklin

Values                                                                            Done

Integrity                      Passion                                        Eat oreos

Compassion               Truth                                            Eat Cake

Vision                         Strength                                       pick at face

Empathy                    Caring                                           went back to sleep


Goals – Focus

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15, Safety Rally

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Intellectual – Read 10 minutes per day, one book per month

Financial – Make a plan and follow it

Spiritual – Meditate 10 minutes per day

Family – ask the deeper questions

Social – contact one friend per day


Stress is not my friend. I have not been meditating lately, so that might have to do with it. Also not eating that well last weekend. Also it is almost that time. And it’s hard to keep to a schedule with visiting family. This is frustrating to me. The frustrating thing for me in the picture taking days is that they do not always start at the same time. I think to make it the best for me is to figure out the earliest one I will need to be at and what time I need to get up for it and just make that my wake up time forever. At least during photo seasons. That way I don’t have to change the wake up time. That is what I did last year and it was not fun. The problem that I run into in the summer is I don’t have to go anywhere and when I’m not home, I’m at someone else’s place until at least 10 pm. Plus it’s so light out so late. I’m just frustrated that I can’t keep to a single schedule. That’s why I want to have different routines for busy days/days I will be out later. Today I actually got the dishes and sink shined before I left.

The only thing I can control is how I react to things. I guess that’s difficult if I can’t emotions.

 

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June 5, 2014 “I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” -Leonardo da Vinci

Values                                                                                        Done

Truth                                                                                           Go to bed late/get up late

Compassion

Empathy

Vision

Integrity

Passion

Caring

Strength


Goals

Career – 15 no’s by 8/15, Safety Rally

Financial – make a plan and follow it

Intellectual – Read 10 min/day, one book/month

Spiritual – Meditate 10 min/ day

Physical – 10,000 steps per day

Social – contact one friend per day

Family – ask the deeper questions


Lesson learned. When you bring a dog home from the shelter, DO  NOT let it out in the yard when there are massive holes in the fence. I got my sprinting in for the week, that’s for sure. I’m glad I kept  my pace because Blizzard (now renamed Kiba) eventually wore himself out. The poor guy  has been abused and needs a lot of love. Hopefully we can give it to him.

I am so proud of myself for the progress I have been making. I am happy with my life. I am grateful for everything I have because I have worked for it all. That hard work is paying off. I will continue to go forward and work hard because I have so much I want to accomplish, so much I want to become.

I also pushed myself farther. I caught myself surfing Facebook but brought awareness to that and did what I could from my list before my before bedtime routine alarm went off.

 

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Do what you can, then let the universe do the rest.

I’m going to be moving in about a month. Moving is very stressful. This will be the fifth move I’ve done in three years. This time, however, I don’t have to pack and move anything myself – the military is having a company do it for us. You would think that I’d be less stressed, right?

Not so much.

The main thing I am worried about is money. I’ve been saving up for this, and we have a sizable amount that will last us probably two months if I can’t find a job right away. But I still worry about it. Part of the worry comes from the massive amount of student loans that Jason and I have together. Our main financial goal is to pay those off by the time he is out of the military, which probably won’t be so difficult once I get settled. But a lot of the money saved up will go to deposit on the rental, setting up an account for utilities, and we want to get on with a new cell phone provider so that’s another chunk of money. There will also be the flight there, cab drive to and from airports, and probably other things that I can’t think of right now.

I guess I have this want of control, when in reality, I don’t have all that much. I do what I can and sometimes it’s enough, sometimes it’s not. But what else can I do if I’ve done all I can? The answer is nothing.

I have a theory why I am stressing so much about this. We have this hormone response to stress, the fight or flight response. Since we no longer have the life threatening situations daily, like being eaten by a bear, we tend to make simple stresses life-or-death situations. This happens with big projects at work or school, moves, and so many other situations. But they aren’t life-or-death. The worse case scenario of me not getting a job within the first couple of months is that we will have to put a few loans on deferment. As much as I would despise that (yes that’s how quickly I want to get the loans paid off), it wouldn’t be the end of the world, nor my life. I suppose that money matters are my fight-or-flight response because it is connected to being able to put a roof over our heads and feeding ourselves these days.

The reason I’m posting about this is to help me, and hopefully you, put this into perspective. Sure I will have some hard times financially, but I really have been through worse and I will get through this too. “This too shall pass” has to be the best saying ever. I have done, and am doing, all that I can financially to get ready for this move. I am also undertaking the daunting task of inventorying everything in this place, which, thankfully, has been reduced quite a bit over the last four moves I’ve done. I am doing what I can, and I have to trust the universe that all will end well. There is nothing else I can do, so I shall not worry over things beyond my control.

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